Help! Is it normal for my toddler to be so picky at meals?
As usual with anything related to young children, the answer is…. it depends! As a pediatric occupational therapist with training and experience in feeding, I’ve worked with children who fall all over the map in terms of their eating habits. It’s helpful to know what is a normal and expected part of age-appropriate development (and therefore, how to respond appropriately so things don’t get worse) and what may necessitate further help and intervention so that you can make the best decision for your child.
There are two categories of eating habits and behaviors for young children: normal toddler selective eating and true “picky eating”. The first is exactly what it sounds like - toddlers being toddlers! The second one results in more severe behaviors, more impact on growth and development, and more stress for everyone involved. Let’s dive into each of them further.
NORMAL SELECTIVE EATING looks like:
Your child may not eat a food they previously ate — For example, they used to eat chicken and one day they don’t eat any of it on their plate. This is normal - do not stop serving chicken! Continue to serve it and remain calm and neutral regardless of whether they’re eating it. This usually passes and they start eating chicken again if mealtime roles are followed.
Your child eats only one of the foods you serve at a meal — For example, you serve chicken, potatoes, and veggies and they only eat the potatoes. This can be normal, and as long as it’s not happening at every single meal, the best thing to do is feign indifference, keep serving all foods, and eat all of those foods with your child.
Your child throws, drops, or picks out food from their plate that they don’t want — For example, your child takes the chicken off their plate and puts it to the side or throws it on the ground. This is their way of communicating that they don’t want to eat it. It is OKAY that they don’t want to eat it (this is important to remember, as we cannot control that!) - we just want to teach them what they can do instead of throwing or dropping it. You can respond by saying “I see you don’t want the chicken. You don’t have to eat it. The chicken stays on the tray. You can put it to the side, instead.” Then show them how to put their chicken on their tray/table rather than on the floor.
The above are all a normal part of toddlerhood and will likely happen at some point between 12-18 or 24 months. It’s one of the ways toddlers assert control over their life - they like to decide what they do and don’t do! Normal selective eating can be addressed through consistency in mealtime routines, how *we* respond as parents during mealtime interactions, and sticking to our roles for preparing and serving food. The BEST thing you can do is stick to your roles for mealtimes - you (the adult) are in charge of when, where, and what food is served, and your child is in charge of whether and how much they eat. It sounds simple but it’s important to remember to do it every. single. meal. Do NOT stop serving your child a food because they didn’t eat it yesterday. This is the biggest mistake I see parents make. Continue to put it on their plate and eat it in front of them. The selective eating phase will pass and/or fluctuate up and down for a few months only if you stick to these guidelines!
TRUE TODDLER PICKY EATING looks like:
Your child shows sensory or behavioral aversions to food - They may gag, spit up, or even vomit at simply the sight of food being placed in front of them, they may have severe reactions to food touching their skin or hands, and they may scream or cry uncontrollably during meals.
Your child eats less than 10 foods total - Particularly if the variety is not wide (for example, all 10 foods are carbs and fruit, with no veggies or proteins), this can potentially lead to nutritional deficiencies and other developmental complications.
Every single meal feels stressful to you - Yes, you, the parent. Regardless of what your child is doing, if you feel like every single meal or snack is stressful, then you deserve to get help!
True picky eating often requires further clinical support in the form of feeding therapy and/or other professional intervention. I have experience in this as a feeding therapist, but this is not the focus or intent of Rooted in Routine. Here in the US, professional intervention typically includes a pediatric occupational and/or speech therapist, and often a registered pediatric dietician, to address and target therapeutic intervention geared specifically towards your child and family. If you live in the US, these services are free through Early Intervention - click here to look into your state’s program.
Something to note is that family, societal, and cultural norms all play a role when it comes to anything mealtime-related. Your family may have certain expectations for how mealtime goes, what is expected of young children, and how you want to respond. This is okay, but it’s important to keep in mind what is developmentally normal and appropriate for your child’s age. I think knowing this information is so powerful - you can factor it in to make intentional and deliberate choices that work for your family.
My Comprehensive Routine Guides, starting at the 6-9 month range and up, cover just how to make these intentional choices at mealtimes and how to respond to mealtime scenarios in order to PREVENT pickiness from occurring in the first place (or from getting any worse, depending on what stage you’re at). I take the guesswork out of it - you will know exactly what to do and not to do to set your child up for success. Click HERE to learn more!
Questions or comments about mealtime pickiness? Feel free to comment below or reach out to me on Instagram. Happy eating!