What to do when your child cries/tantrums
…for toddler years and beyond!
Not the happiest topic to be talking about on a Monday morning 🤷♀️, but a relevant one in the midst of all of this holiday madness — the topic of crying! 😢😭 It’s normal for kids to have big emotions and/or tantrums during this time. Why? Because we’re off the normal routine! But, what can you DO when your child cries/tantrums? Sharing my top tips for how to (and how not to) handle crying for your toddler + beyond ⤵️:
1️⃣ LABEL and NARRATE your child’s emotion for them. For example, say “You must feel really sad right now because _____ happened. It’s not fun to be sad, but it happens.”
2️⃣ Provide comfort in some way - a hug, cuddle, or back rub if your child will allow it. If the crying is spiraling into a tantrum, make sure the environment is safe (this may mean closing a door or removing certain objects from a room while the tantrum occurs) and if so, let them tantrum while labeling their emotions as above. Only physically restrain if necessary for safety.
3️⃣ Explain what they can (and can’t) do to feel better when crying. Be explicit and specific - for example, say “When you’re upset, you can hug mommy or squeeze your favorite stuffed animal. But you may not throw toys.”
4️⃣ Provide an option for them to do when they stop crying. For example, say “When you’re ready to feel better, we can _____“ (play with your favorite toy, have a hug, etc). Something small and simple that you know your child likes works best.
5️⃣ Wait it out! It WILL end, I promise 😝
Try NOT to:
🙅♀️ Say “stop crying!” This squashes your child’s emotion and teaches them that their emotion isn’t valid. This does not solve the problem.
🙅♀️ Scold or comment negatively. I know this is HARD. It’s not fun to listen to crying. Instead, be proactive by following the steps above.
Try to remember that your child is crying for a reason, however minor or silly it may seem to you - it’s their way of communicating an emotion. Try to empathize with your child as best you can. Labeling and narrating (step 1 above) for/with them will help you do this automatically 👏
If you want to learn more about tantrums, hitting, and other challenging toddler behaviors, check out my Toddler Routine Guides - each Guide includes a comprehensive Behavior section that teaches you how to respond to behaviors like tantrums, screaming, hitting, and more in a simple, practical, and easy-to-implement way so that it lessens over time. Grab your child’s specific age range for the most developmentally-appropriate strategies in each phase.
Are you in the midst of toddler tantrums? Share below!