Why won't my child poop in the potty?
For a lot of children, learning to poop on the potty can take longer than learning to pee. Some children feel scared, anxious, or nervous about pooping on the potty - so if your child won’t poop on the potty, know that you are NOT alone!
Some children begin to withhold their poop when potty training. Others will ask for a diaper or pull-up to poop. Sometimes children have poop accidents in their underwear and on the floor. In all of these scenarios, poop isn’t going where we want it to - in the potty!
Let’s dive into WHY children may feel scared to poop on the potty and my top tips for how to help them overcome this fear.
Why are children scared to poop in the potty?
Your child may feel like a body part is “falling out” into the potty. As crazy as this may sound, this can be a real fear for some children. They are used to their stool staying in their diaper, pressed up against their bottom. It can be scary for them to think about it dropping away from their body and into the toilet.
Your child may have a history of constipation or painful stools. Even one prior bout of constipation or experience with a painful stool can cause some children to feel scared about pooping, causing them to want to hold it in. This can be exacerbated when they are expected to poop in a new or different place than they are used to.
Pooping on the potty feels different from a sensory perspective. Some children are sensitive to change, particularly for new bodily sensations. Pooping on the potty may require a different body position (sitting vs previously standing, for example). It also may feel different for your child to poop in the bathroom with different noises (the fan, echos, etc), different lighting, different smells, and more.
Your child may feel uncomfortable or unstable when sitting on their current potty set-up. If their potty seat does not allow them to sit in a squat-like position with their feet flat, their body may feel unstable. They may feel like they are going to fall off of their seat or fall into the toilet. This creates fear or anxiety which prevents them from physically relaxing their body enough to allow their poop to come out. They also may dislike the feeling of sitting on the toilet and quickly want to get up, preventing them from sitting long enough to let it out.
So, how do you get your child to actually poop on the potty?! 😅
While this can take time for some children to master, here are my top five tips for helping children who seem scared or anxious to poop on the potty and/or who are withholding their poop:
Normalize poop in your home. Don’t talk about poop being “yucky,” “stinky,” or “gross.” Don’t say “Ewwwwww big poop!” when they poop (or when anyone else in your home, including a baby, poops). Instead, talk about poop in a neutral way. You can say things like “You pooped! It’s safe and healthy to let poop out of your body.” Or “Yes, poop has a smell to it! It’s safe to let out. Let’s throw your diaper in the trash.”
Educate your child about poop. Oftentimes, children have a fear of things they don’t fully understand. Explain to your child about what poop is, where it comes from, and where it goes when we let it out into the potty. Explain the process of digestion in an age-appropriate way. I love the book From Chewing to Pooing to help your child learn about this!
Dump your child’s poop into the toilet after they poop in their diaper or pull-up. This helps show your child where poop belongs. Have them help you say good-bye to their poop and flush it down.
Narrate out loud when you have to poop. As silly or uncomfortable as it may feel, children learn best from hearing and watching you complete actions that they will eventually do. So when you feel the urge to poop, talk about it! Say something like “Oh, my body needs to poop. I can feel it down in my lower belly. I’m going to go sit on the toilet and let my poop come out.”
Do a regular, daily “poop-sit” around the time of day when your child typically poops. Have your child sit on their potty and give them a chance to let their poop out. If it doesn’t come out into the potty, that’s okay! This can take time, but it’s important for their body to get into the routine of sitting to let their poop out. Try to time this for when your child typically poops. If your child doesn’t have a consistent time of day when they poop, try having them sit on the potty after a meal. Many children feel the urge to poop directly after eating.
Remember that helping a child overcome a fear and learn a new skill (such as pooping in the potty) takes time. It won’t happen overnight, but if you commit to being consistent with the above, it should help!
If you want more guidance in this area or feel like you’ve tried it all and your child still isn’t pooping in the potty, I can help! Join my Poop Group, a virtual group for parents who have a child struggling with poop in any capacity - holding it in, saying they are scared, pooping in their underwear, asking for a diaper/pull-up, etc.
With a poop resources digital library, unlimited messaging with me to ask all your personalized poop questions (48 hours or less response time), and monthly Live videos (replays available), I teach you exactly what to do (and not to do) to work towards getting your child comfortable with pooping on the potty.
It’s $44/month and you can cancel anytime or when you no longer need poop help!
Share below if your child struggles with poop so more people can see they are not alone 🥰