The number one toddler food tip you should follow at every meal for easier mealtimes with your toddler
As a pediatric occupational therapist and picky eating expert with over nine years of experience, I have seen firsthand how difficult simply feeding your child can be. How can something that we as parents have to do every single day, multiple times a day, be so hard?!
If you are on the hamster wheel of struggling to know what to actually feed your child, not knowing if they’re going to eat it (or anything, for that matter!), and stressed out or burnt out over worrying about food, you are not alone. This blog post is for you.
The number one strategy I recommend all parents follow, for *every* child (yes, this is a blanket statement which I usually do not promote…but in this case, I truly believe in it!) is called the “Division of Responsibility”.
What is the “Division of Responsibility”?
Developed by Ellyn Satter, it is an evidence-based feeding method that allows parents to decide when, where and what a child will eat while giving the child the autonomy to choose if they eat and how much.
Let’s break this down a little bit more:
ADULT’S RESPONSIBILITY: What food to serve
Yup, this means YOU decide what’s on the menu for each meal/snack. Do not ask your child what they want to eat for every meal! You can give your child two options if you’d like, but no open-ended questions. For most meals, I recommend fully deciding what is on the menu without giving choices. Once you serve the food, your job is done.
ADULT’S RESPONSIBILITY: When to serve food
You set the meal/snack schedule. You tell your child when the next meal/snack is coming up in their routine. You are allowed to (and should!) say no if your child asks to eat at a time that is not a part of their set meal/snack schedule.
ADULT’S RESPONSIBILITY: Where to serve food
You decide where food is served - ideally, at a table while sitting down.
CHILD’S RESPONSIBILITY: Whether or not to eat at all
Here’s the hard truth - you cannot control whether your child chooses to eat or not. Remember this choice is not yours to make. The more you let go of this control, the less pressure your child will feel, which will typically lead to them wanting to eat MORE.
CHILD’S RESPONSIBILITY: How much to eat
Yep, another hard truth. Your child gets to decide (within reason) how much of each food served to eat. The less you comment on it (while eating the meal WITH them), the more likely they will be to want to eat it at future meals. But for now, they are doing their job by choosing how much of each food to eat.
It can be so hard to let go of the control, to fight the instinct to force them to just take one bite. But I promise you, if you follow this method consistently, you will greatly reduce the chance that your child will become picky, and you will help your child learn to love eating.
Remember, it may take months or even years of exposure to certain foods before your child is even willing to try it! Don’t stop serving it on occasion, even if there are foods you know they won’t eat. They will never learn to like a food they never have the opportunity to try.
The overall key takeaway here is to simply control what you can control - what, where and when. The rest is up to them. And remember - kids are intuitive eaters! Some days they will eat a lot and the next hardly any at all. This is normal. Following the division of responsibility allows your child to listen to their body and feed it as they feel they should.
You can also check out my 2-3 Year or 3-5 Year Comprehensive Routine Guides. Each Guide has an entire section dedicated to Mealtimes to teach you how to navigate this very common phase of your toddler’s life.
Feeding a toddler is hard, but it doesn’t have to feel overly stressful and frustrating day after day. Comment below - what’s the hardest part of feeding your toddler?